101 Secrets of Indie Lit Success
1) Don’t be afraid to use people—friends, relatives, former professors—use them for all they’re worth so that they can get your name and your work out there.
2) Become comfortable with the fact that all you can afford to eat is Top Ramen. Find ways to dress it up. Add red food coloring to the broth so that it looks like entrails, or something. Or you could just add frozen broccoli. THat’s good too.
3) Develop a quirky writerly personality trait like only writing first drafts in longhand. This way you’ll be interesting in interviews once you make it big.
4) Answer emails promptly. This is always appreciated. No matter how big you get. The rule is that it’s only cool to blow off phone calls. Email must be answered.
5) Have a consistent email sign-off. Probably it shouldn’t involve x’s or o’s.
6) Allow yourself to dream big every once in awhile and spend the day practicing the Mona Lisa-esque
smile that you’ll use for your press photo.
7) Think of famous authors who have had haircuts that you like. Consider getting a similar haircut. Re-consider. Bangs take a long, awkward time to grow out.
8) Practice your signature so that book signings will go smoothly. Still remember to stay away from the x’s and o’s.
9) Buy a black turtleneck so that you will look appropriately author-y when you do, eventually, pose for that book jacket photo.
10) And about that author photo? Quit looking so fucking smug. Your book is probably gonna sell, like, eight copies.
