What to Expect When Your Friends Are Expecting
No offense, but your kid’s being kind of a jerk right now. Can I (nicely but firmly) tell them that, or should I just avert eye contact and wait for you to do it?
Mike: It’s a bummer, I know, but you can’t. Unless the kid’s fucking with one of your pets, in which case you’re allowed to be like, “Oh, hey kid, the cat doesn’t like it when you grab his tail, and he’s probably going to bite you and I probably won’t blame him.”
Kristin: No. You can’t. Not if I’m around anyway. Which, I would hope that would never, ever be the case because I try and be on top of my kid’s jerkiness. But most parents will absolutely lose it if you say something to their kid about shitty behavior. It’s not worth it. I recommend you keep it to yourself and just silently judge the terrible state of modern parenting. And if they’re your friends, make new friends.
Alternately! You’re yelling at your kid, which is normal, but I still find it super uncomfortable. Where do I look, what face do I make right now, aaaaah! Mainly, will it make things worse (or seem like I’m insulting you/your kid) if I try to commiserate, or if I pretend it didn’t happen? Please just tell me how to handle this.
Kristin: You should totally ignore it. And silently judge. And make a mental note to make an appointment to get an IUD.
Mike: I guess maybe the same way you’d handle it if one of your friends was fighting with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Look away for a minute, read one of the magazines you just narrowly saved from being destroyed.
